EXCLUSIVE: Jose Bosingwa released by Chelsea after “Brow Row”
In a shocking turn of events at Chelsea’s training ground this morning, Jose Bosingwa was released by the London club for “conduct detrimental to the team.” According to reports, Bosingwa’s massive unibrow got into a physical altercation with manager Carlo Ancelotti’s furrowed left brown. Over the last few months, it had become clear that the club wasn’t big enough for both brows’ egos. Captain John Terry was disappointed about the events, but said it was necessary given the palpable tension caused by the duo:
“Let me tell you, I know something about tension within the team. Every-time I banged Wayne’s [Bridge] fiancee I was always worried he would find out and have a go at me in training. So to have this brow situation under control is great for the club.”
We contacted Roman Abramovich about the issue, but he was reportedly shooting commercials for Direct TV in Mother Russia. However, reports suggest he’s been devastated by the development, as the sole reason he bought Bosingwa was to run a Russian oil pipeline to the player’s native Portugal through the massive unibrow. The project would have been the first of its kind and extremely lucrative for the Oligarch.
As for Bosingwa himself, he had mixed emotions about the issue. He was happy to see the embarrassing row finally come to an end, but will miss Chelsea and West London. When asked if he made an attempt to intervene in the issue to stop the battle, he just shook his head:
“That thing has a mind of its own… it’s a pretty stubborn brow… he doesn’t even take hair dye well, thinks he’s too good for it.”
Although his words may sound as if he’s ready to take a Bic to the brow, nothing could be further from the truth. He stood by his brow, stating that Ancelotti’s furrowed left brow had to take a share of the blame also. As for Ancelotti himself, Bosingwa says he will miss being under his management.
The Italian was in no mood to talk about the issue in today’s press conference, but did credit Bosingwa for being a top professional and talented palyer. He said the Portuguese defender could probably come off the bench for any League 2 side. Showing a bit of humor about the issue, the Chelsea manager had this to say after repeatedly ignoring questions about the event:
“All I can say is it was a hairy situation.”
Oh, Carlo… what a delight you are. Anyway, as for the brows themselves, they were unavailable for comment. Ancelotti’s left furrowed brow is back in training, while Bosingwa’s unibrow is spending some time with his good friend: Donald Trump’s hair.