Put Some Pep in Your Step

So Barcelona are in the quarter finals of the Champions League after they selfishly wouldn’t give the ball up playing against Arsenal in the last round. Fine. I don’t even care. Arsenal are busy letting the Premier League title slip away anyways. Barca take on Shakhtar Donetsk at the Camp Nou this afternoon and will more than likely massacre the Ukranians. They have some good players in Eduardo and Darijo Srna, plus Fernandinho making a come back, but there is just no conceivable way for them to stop Barcelona’s attack. Even if reports are to be believed that Lionel Messi isn’t fully fit, a half fit Messi is still more than most defenders can withstand.

The bigger story, in my humble opinion, is the recent interview given by Barca coach Pep Guardiola. He suggests that his time is coming to an end at the Camp Nou and that he may step down after his contract expires in 2012. Guardiola has been in charge for three years now; an eternity by any standard. That is, unless, you’re 20% of the people in Spain without a job at the moment. Whatever his intentions and reasons for wanting to vacate the Barcelona hotseat, it gives us the opportunity to grossly disfigure his possible future destinations!

The Pep Sweepstakes – What’s He Gonna Do?

(I really wish we had a jingle for this)

1. Realizing that he will have to pry Cesc Fabregas from Arsene Wenger’s cold, dead hands, Pep may decide to wait until the Frenchman retires and then take over at Arsenal! Imagine how perfect it would be. The style would stay the same, except there would be trophies, though Arsenal may need to sell Cesc Fabregas to afford ol’ Pep. Damn.

2. The answer we here in the US of A want to see. MLS. Pep summons all of his players from Barcelona to find their long, lost friend Theirry Henry in New York. They all decide to play for Red Bulls. They also choose not to have a two hour special on ESPN to tell the world what they’re doing. It’s also possible that Barca go through with their plan for have a team in MLS a la Chivas USA and only field five outfield players, plus a goalie. They would still win.

3. Since he already wears high-end designer suits while coaching, Pep decides to move to Italy. He won’t be coaching there, however. He’ll be modeling. The touchline is basically a runway anyways.

Can two models be on the same runway?

4. Pep wakes the F*%& up and realizes he has one of the greatest jobs in the world. He’s working at home, with professionals who can basically do it all on their own and make up, arguably, the greatest football team of all time. He just has to add water and stir. Why the hell would you ever leave this job, especially when your employers are clamoring for you to stay? You want a challenge, Pep? Go coach Hull City or some shit.