Let’s Kroenke It Up!

Finally, after years of waiting, Arsenal have fallen in line with the rest of England and will now have a wealthy foreign billionaire to bank roll transfers that Arsene Wenger probably won’t make. It’s been confirmed that Stan Kroenke and his KSE (Kroenke Sports Enterprises) will launch a takeover bid of the club after increasing their stake to 62%. So does this mean for Gooners everywhere? What do we know about Stan the Man? Well, he owns basically every pro sports team in Colorado including the Nuggets, Avs, Rapids, plus the Rams in the NFL and he’s married to a Wal-Mart heiress. Based on his history, what can we expect at the Emirates now that Silent Stan is taking over?

1. A star player will be in the middle of a gigantic transfer/trade controversy between Arsenal and a much more glamorous team, a bigger market, if you will. He’ll claim it’s not the money, but because he wants to play in front of the his home fans. Oh, wait…

Nothing bad can come of this, right?

2. An old timer will come back to fill a void, but realize he’s probably not up to task. Ooooh, wait…

Swedish old man? German old man? Who cares?

3. As is customary with his stewardship of soccer teams, Arsenal won’t win anything for at least 14 years. Wow, this trophy drought seems like nothing now.

The perenially successful Colorado Rapids...

4. Angry Arsenal fans will wear colorful scarves to show their distaste toward Stan after they find out he leveraged the whole buyout against Sam Bradford‘s arm, which they will see in two pieces on a field with markings they don’t understand.

#14. Just like Henry.