VOTD: How Ronaldo Got Fat
Hello there. It’s been a while. We have returned from our hiatus, on which we drank many fine wines and gorged on a surplus of expensive cheeses. I’ve decided that gouda is my favorite. Congratulations, gouda.
So we have this new design which I can describe only with the soon-to-be-revived term, phat. I hope you agree. Obviously, it still looks a little bit like a dump as we haven’t blogged in ages, but in the same way the city of Boston was built on a landfill, so will The Third Kit 2.0. We plan to bring you some more in-depth coverage of the absurdities in the soccer world in our new Features section, as well as more consistent servings of random bits and clips from around the soccer interwebz here on the front page. We are also looking for some new writers. So really, if you’re interested, I would love to hear from you, just email firstname.lastname@example.org.
So back to soccer. And cheese. Both of which Brazilian legend Ronaldo are very fond(u) of. And this clip does a wonderful job showing you the effect cheese can have on a footballer over the course of a remarkable 18 year career.
After announcing his retirement in February while playing for Corinthians in Brazil, Ronaldo received a special gift: an unusual farewell match with his international squad. On Tuesday, Ronaldo will slip on Brazil’s No. 9 kit for the last time in a friendly against Romania. And, apparently, he is very nervous:
“I don’t think I’m prepared for this goodbye,” Ronaldo said. “I owe a lot to the Brazilian national team. From the beginning, it opened doors for me (to eat cheeses) all over the world.”
Ronaldo’s club resume is almost as exceptional as is international one. He began his career as 16 year old at Cruzeiro in 1993 (14 apps, 12 goals). Then he took Europe by storm: Netherland’s PSV (46 apps, 42 goals), Barcelona (37 apps, 34 goals), Inter Milan (68 apps, 49 goals), Real Madrid (127 apps, 83 goals), and AC Milan (20 apps, 9 goals). More ridiculously, he scored 62 goals in 97 appearances for Brazil. The dude scored in nearly 75% of his matches. He is, undoubtedly, one of the best goal-scorers to ever play the game.
As you can see from the video, Ronaldo was ‘comfortable’ in his success, sacrificing physical fitness for a consistently satisfied appetite. This seems to be a typical characteristic of South American soccer stars, (see: Ronaldinho) but how can you hate on it? They come from humble beginnings, attain wild popularity and wealth, and feed many mouths, especially their own. Happiness is massively important in Southern American cultures, and at 34, sure he’s no fit fiddle like Davey Beckham, but he deserves to let it all hang out. Happy trails Ronaldo.