Rafa Marquez Channels His Inner Charlie Sheen

September 24, 2011 1 Comment by Phil

Rafa Marquez turns into Charlie Sheen - Thirdkit.com

Do you remember when Charlie Sheen went on a media firestorm earlier this year and criticized every one and any one in his path that said there was something wrong with him?

Remember how he called into all those radio shows and was interviewed “exclusively” by every television network and he ranted about his boss and co-stars on Two and a Half Men?

It looks like New York Red Bulls defender Rafa Marquez has taken a page out of the same book of craziness. He won’t be going on a “Violent Torpedo of Truth” tour, but Marquez had opened his mouth and nothing good has come of it.

Marquez has been a huge disappointment on the field for the Red Bulls this season. He’s missed 14 of the team’s 29 games so far this season, mostly because he’s committed himself to the Mexican National Team. He’s looked uninterested on defense, refusing to step to the ball or cover in the box. His passing isn’t sharp and he spends more time complaining to the referee than anything else.

So when after New York lost to Real Salt Lake 3-1 on Wednesday (in which Marquez did not pick up Fabian Espindola in the middle, instead letting him dribble right through the middle of the field and scoring the team’s third goal) Marquez—who was booed all game by the home fans—went on a Sheen-like rant about his teammates. And it was a bit shocking to get an idea of what he thought about the situation.

“I’m focusing on really performance at my highest level. That doesn’t mean that the whole back line can perform at that same level, so that’s a problem,” Marquez told the press.

Marquez thinks he’s performing better than the other defenders on the team? Sure, maybe he’s playing better than Stephen Keel, but that’s about it. Is he crazy to think that he’s that much better than everyone?

It’s eerily similar to when Sheen said, “I don’t have time for these clowns. I don’t have time for their judgment and their stupidity.” A bit of a different context here (Sheen was referring to doctors that had been popping up on talk shows analyzing his actions), but you can see the parallels.

Marquez continued: “I think this is a team game, and unfortunately there isn’t an equal level between my teammates and I.”

Compare to Sheen: “If you borrowed my brain for five seconds, you’d be like, ‘Dude! Can’t handle it, unplug this bastard!’ It fires in a way that’s maybe not from, uh… this terrestrial realm.”

So Marquez not only is playing better than everyone, he also is on a different level than everyone, much like Sheen and his alien brain. Marquez didn’t stop at just the team and the defense; no he started picking on individuals as well, specifically USMNT defender and his central defense partner with the Red Bulls, Tim Ream.

“He still has quite a lot to learn, and well, he has committed errors that are very infantile and cost us goals.”

Infantile is the key word there. Has Sheen ever said anything similar?

“[Two and a Half Men co-star Jon Cryer]’s a turncoat, a traitor, a troll. … Is it going to take me calling him a ‘traitor, juvenile and scared’ for him to get it?”


But both Sheen and Marquez have checkered pasts, so their outbursts shouldn’t come as a huge surprise.

Sheen has overdosed on drugs, arrested for assault and has been in and out of rehab.

Marquez has been an enemy to United States soccer fans, captaining our country’s arch-nemesis (not a criminal offense, but one that has helped make him a villain over the years, so it counts). He does have a history of violence like Sheen. In a game in the 2002 World Cup Marquez was given a red card for deliberately head butting U.S. midfielder Cobi Jones. In a World Cup qualifier in 2009 he kicked goalkeeper Tim Howard.

It would seem like their outbursts were inspired by a feeling of their superiority both in quality, as stated above, and their salaries.

Sheen was the highest paid actor on television, making $1.8 million per episode.

Marquez signed a Designated Player contract with the Red Bulls, earning $4.6 million a year, making him the third most expensive player in the entire league and dwarfing everyone else.

And much like Two and a Half Men went on hiatus before the making the final decision to just fire Sheen, Marquez will now miss work too because of his words. He has been suspended for Sunday’s match against Portland, a game that will go a long way in determining if the Red Bulls will make the playoffs. Maybe without the distraction from Marquez, the New York Red Bulls can get back to “winning“.

So while the rest of his team slugs it out on the field, Marquez will presumably be in his New York City apartment.

Asked about his lifestyle (which Herculez Gomez criticized) Marquez responded, “Me? I live very well. It’s something I wanted, something I looked for. Personally, things are turning out well,”

If only he admitted to being “a b******* rock star from Mars.”

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  1. [...] at season’s end and certainly is not worth De Rosario.And thank goodness I don’t have to see Rafa Marquez lift up the MLS Cup. The man basically disgraced his club this season. He was extremely [...]

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