Moronic Merch: Shanghai Shenhua’s ‘Female’ Mouse

As you may know, Chelsea’s Nicolas Anelka signed a robust contract with Chinese Super League club, Shenghai Shenhua this week, effectively ending all ‘Anelka-to-MLS‘ hype, for the time being. Sad news, as a player like Anelka 0 who still has a few years of good quality left in him – would have been great for the league. Especially a french garni club like the Montreal Impact. But no way in Canadian hell were they going to fork up the equivalent of a £175,000 per week contract. But, c’est la vie.

More importantly, this blockbuster signing led me to a perusal of Shenghai’s website! Which is already adorned with a nice welcoming for the Frenchman. Not sure what that robot thing has to do with anything though.

Then, I stumbled upon this gem, which the always hysterical Google translate tells me, is the “refined version of the female mouse 2.” For about $14, you too could have this baby mouse to dangle between your legs! Or around your neck! Or team with with your David Beckham/Detroit Pistons mousepad! The possibilities are endless.

Again, according to Google translate, this mouse is “Stylish, compact and full of dynamic…” That’s it. A cliffhanger. A metaphorical fill-in the blank for you to choose what you do with this thing. Perhaps this is a fetish in China.

In all honestly, I think I know why they call it a ‘female mouse.’ It’s because Asian people have small hands. Asian girls, even more so. Remember the original Xbox controller? Yea, Asian gamers didn’t stand a chance. But hey, you know what they say about girl’s with small hands? I’ll let Mickey Mantle answer that one.