A whole mess of really dumb shit went down in the football world this last week. Yeah, there was that handshake that never was between a couple of children but that wasn’t the only thing that went askew in the sport over the last seven days or so. Sure, it may be the most controversial and socially important but we are going to ignore that. The English media have already beaten that horse to death, brought it back to life, then beat it to death again. So we’re just going to leave it alone. We’re not going to sit here and be like, “Oh, wow, racism in European sport?! When did that become an issue?! We’ve done such a good job of getting rid of it?!!!?$”
Alright, I’ll stop ranting about European sports major, glaring, and obvious deficiency compared to American sport (red, white, and number fucking one) and I’ll get on with the subject of the post. Let’s pass out some medals for the not-so-intelligent events that happen this week.
Bronze Medal: Huddersfield Town
Event: Fired manager Lee Clark
That would be record breaking manager, Lee Clark. The former manager of the League One side only lost 3 of his 55 league matches in charge, and set a League Football record for a 43 match unbeaten run. Despite a recent loss to 2nd place Sheffield United, the team sits in 4th just 7 seven points away from an automatic promotion spot with sixteen games left. It’s a shocking move, and has led to talk of Clark taking legal action for an unfair dismissal. Despite seeming like a gold medal move, it gets the bronze because some fans and pundits seem to think Clark should have done much more with the funding he was given. That little tidbit of info brings this whole award into question. Who deserves it? Clark or Huddersfield’s chairman? Let history answer that question, much like it has with the Miami Dolphins choice to not be as aggressive as the New Orleans Saints in pursuing free-agent Quarterback, Drew Brees in the summer of 2006 due to concerns over a surgically repaired throwing arm.
Silver Medal: Craig Whyte
Event: One-uped ‘Arry
After the “five year nightmare” ‘Arry Redknapp said he went through (no, not Fabio Capello in the England dugout, I’m referring to his tax-evasion trial) you would think all football personnel would make sure their taxes are in order. Particularly when you’re the chairman of one of Scotland and World Football’s biggest clubs. Craig Whyte didn’t do that. Apparently the Scottish club Rangers FC failed to pay £9m in taxes since Whyte bought the club in May. It has resulted in the Glasgow giants going into administration and has brought about serious questions as to what exactly Whyte and the previous owners have been doing. Has he been hiding stuff from the tax-man or is he just incompetent? It’s resulted in Ibrox players questioning their contract status at the club and has inevitably led to hysteria in the British media. Eight EPL clubs to go bust? Jesus H. Christ, you need to get some sources and stop making shit up if you really want me to believe that.
Gold Medal: FIFA
Event: Ranking Denmark ahead of Argentina
I have a feeling that if we make this a regular segment, FIFA will be to this competition what the USA is to the Olympics: Gold Medal leaders. Their latest misstep is fairly mild compared to the spicy scandals we are used to from Seppy and Co, but it’s worthy of the gold medal none-the-less. Nobody takes FIFA rankings seriously, and this weeks latest numbers show why. As much as I respect Danish footballers I have a hard time accepting that they should have leapfrogged Argentina for the 10th spot. Yes, the Danes beat Portugal recently while Argentina lost to Venezuela. But keep in mind that’s a Portugal side that allowed 3 goals against Iceland in November and had to qualify for EURO 2012 via the playoffs. Oh, and that Venezuela side: semi-finalists at last summer’s Copa America. Tied Brazil. Beat Chile. ‘Nuff said.
Honorable Mention: ESPN
Event: Really poor editing/racism
And let me tell you, we know a thing or two about poor editing. The only reason they aren’t taking home a medal is because the event they are nominated for concerns basketball, not football. Here’s a lesson: “Chink in the Armor” is hardly a good headline to run in the wake of Asian-American sensation Jeremy Lin’s first loss as a starter for the Knicks. In related news, yes the New Orleans Hornets did end the Lin-sanity last night and are on a 3 game winning streak. At 7-23, the Bees are heating up in time for a run at the Playoffs! NBA title going through the Big Easy! Happy Mardi Gras!