Cue the Mohawk. Cue the powerful finish. Cue the back flip. My favorite showman is back.

It’s Djibril Cisse time in the EPL again. And I’m most definitely smitten about it.

No real news here, just a bad ass mofo getting his kicks and more exposure to yours truly due to his move back into the Prem. After a lackluster six months at Lazio, the pacey Frenchmen is in foggy London town with QPR. Proving how perfectly his physical, fast, and powerful style fits into the English game, he netted after just 12 minutes. It’s his third debut goal for an English club. That’s pretty boss.

OK, I will try and inject some sort of analysis/news into this post. Here it is: QPR wins the Thirdkit.com Blue Ribbon for January Transfer Excellence. The most active top-flight club in the window, they brought in six players. In addition to Cisse, they snagged Bobby Zamora from Fulham to put some teeth into the Ranger’s attack. Across the back, they bought Manchester City’s Nedum Onuoha. Although last night’s second-half wasn’t superb by any means for the 24 year-old center-back, he should be a solid pick up. Additionally, some solid depth was added in the form of three shrewd loans for players who should make a big impact at Loftus Road. Federico Macheda at forward, Samba Diakite at Center Midfield, and Taye Taiwo at Leftback, a loan move via AC Milan that Thirdkit.com writers from Louisiana are already calling “dope” and “gnarly”.

Let’s do some math. They sit on 21 points. They have 15 games left to play…

15 x 3 = 45 points

45 points + 21 points = 66 points

Europa League? I think so! Call your travel agents QPR fans!

It’s finally here. Our massive, over-the-top, big budget finale to the January Transfer Window Blockbuster series. We’ve overpaid for every Hollywood star on the planet to help up realize this masterpiece and it’s all funded by Roman Abramovich. Hell, even porn star Kim Kardashian is gonna be there.

Enjoy our 3D, motion capture of a center back, in the most cliche way possible; a drawn out transfer saga from Earth to Pandora, er, Bolton to London. Complete with blue cats.

Imagine being trapped in a place where your overlord is the Indian Colonel Sanders, your boss looks like Uncle Fester, and every decent player around you is on the verge of being sold. It’s a place from which even Snake couldn’t escape.

Well, Chris Samba is going to try his damnedest.

(commence action movie voice over) We thought it was over. We thought the Man United midfield was gutted, sold, or lost its awesome dreads. WE WERE WRONG. This winter, one hero, who is older than mammoth crap, returns to rescue his team and his boss. The rest of Fergie’s Fledglings have moved on, but this ginger warrior is back for more.

Paul Scholes is… The Last of the Fledglings

Continuing our transfer window blockbuster segment from yesterday… Today, we look at the one saga that seems to have become an annoying growth on the world of football.

Carlos Tevez is stuck in limbo. He was dreaming to get out of Manchester City, which in turn made Corinthians dream that they could afford to get him back. Meanwhile, Tevez was dreaming within his dream that he could play for his boyhood club Boca Juniors. Sheikh Mansour told them all to keep dreaming when they wanted a loan deal for the troubled striker. Now, the apex of the drama! Adriano Galliani and AC Milan will attempt to sneak into Tevez’s dream to beat up Mansour and take Carlitos off the driving range and to the San Siro! Are you confused? So are we! Who knows where Kia Joorabchian will show up?!

Most of us know summer as the time for massive Hollywood movies. It’s also the time for out favorite European footballing outfits to go out and do some business in the transfer market. Others wait until their gutted, inexperienced squad is mauled 8-2 to go out and make panic buys. No matter, now is not that time. It’s the summer transfer block’s red headed step brother, the January transfer window. We’ve decided to celebrate all of the various transfers, loans, and various other sagas through our favorite – and most appropriate – movie posters.

Today, arguably the best sequel to expect this summer, except maybe that little Batman movie… Anyway, our favorite mercenaries are back! They’re at it again in North London, Liverpool, Birmingham, and some nondescript tropical getaway run by a warlord, to use their skills for anyone that pays MLS enough money for their services!

As much as I like Edson Buddle and as much as I’d like for him to be a Premier League quality striker, I can’t ignore two little things called “reason” and “common sense”. In 31 league matches in the 2. Bundesliga he’s scored 9 times for FC Ingoldschlagerstadatatataatatat 04. Sure, his strike rate in the MLS isn’t too shabby (90 goals in 223 games) but those goals, after all, took place in the MLS. Not the English Premier League. Also, he’s never been the most consistent striker. Only in 4 of his 10 MLS seasons did he manage to eclipse the 10 goal mark. That brings up another point that makes this a peculiar development:he’s played a decade of MLS campaigns. That’s an entire career for some lads, and at 30 years old, Buddle is not spring chicken. He’s more of an autumn chicken and if it wasn’t for global warming he would probably be a winter chicken.

So why would David Moyes give this cat a trial? There’s two reasons:

1) Low Cost – Buddle’s value is about £500,000.

2) Drugs – Some crazy LSD is making its way across Merseyside.

OK, David Moyes doesn’t do drugs, so scratch No.2. (He’s more of a heavy drinker.) What’s more important in this situation is that The Toffees don’t have a ton of money. With UEFA’s mysterious Financial Fair Play statutes supposedly in effect, this may be a sign of things to come for clubs with smaller cash reserves. Instead of Moyes being able to splash a bit of cash on low-cost (less than £10m) strikers linked with a move (Andy Johnson, Roman Pavlyuchenko, Kris Boyd, Roque Santa Cruz, etc.) he’s turned to an under utilized source: lower league players under the radar. To be completely fair, Moyes has always been one of the more shrewd managers in Europe when it comes to getting the most out of what he is given. Could this be the start of a new era of January transfer norms? It would be hard to bet against it given the finacial state of European football. Low-cost, low-risk, high-reward transfers will be the new mid-season fix for squads across Europe.

If Buddle flops, no big deal. He was never supposed to light up the score sheet. If he manages to grab a half dozen or so goals in the second half of the season, Moyes looks like a genius.

It many not be a sexy approach to the transfer market but it’s certainly a smart one. Even if we are talking about Edson Buddle.

On the eve of the Derby della Madonnina, and dead in the middle of the transfer window, I thought it would be most appropriate to address AC Milan and Inter Milan on a very pressing issue. You guys, we really need to talk about Carlos Tevez. Your somewhat understandable interest has been well documented. I can see how his goal scoring record and tireless effort on the pitch, when he can be convinced to come off the bench, are very tempting. His baggage, though, notably an association with anti-Christ Kia Joorabchian that seems to lead to most problems that he causes, is not worth the potential positives that he would bring.

Yesterday, for most of us, consisted of playing FIFA for 6 hours while Sky Sports blasted on the TV in the next room, all while we sat in our underwear. No? Just me? Ok.

Well, you guys missed out, because it was loads of fun. Following the excitement and intrigue of Deadline Day in nothing but boxer briefs is a liberating experience, and since Januarys in Boston are usually pretty cold, I’ll have to wait a whole year until I get the next chance. Real bummer.

But don’t fret too much. I’ll do my best to relive the day for you, stopping just short of pics of me in my underwear eating peanut butter crackers and cheese sticks. Jesus, what’s wrong with me? Anyway, here are our Deadline Day Awards:

Queens Park Rangers, after being taken over by billionaire Tony Fernandes, have made a splash in the transfer market. They’ve signed a Trani. Tommaso Trani to be precise. This particular Trani is a ‘keeper straight out of the AC Milan youth setup. It’s strange that the Rossoneri let this Trani go because the Italians are usually into that weird shit. Oh well, I guess that means QPR boss Neil Warnock is really only concerned with quality, and not personal choices. Though Keiron Dyer is also on the books at Rangers so who knows.