Here’s Nike’s obligatory grandiose pre-international tournament advert chalk full of international stars (some of which have nothing to to with EURO ’12) and equally obligatory LeBron James cameo. What biznass does he have being in this commercial? He’s just a skidmark. A skidmark that Chicharito finds very amusing.

It’s no secret. British media has a penchant for sensationalism. So take this ‘special report’ with a grain of salt, but it’s intriguing nonetheless.

Hidden cameras in tow, these Sky Sports journalists claim to have followed a group of Shakhtar Donetsk ultras, known as the Donetsk Company, for six months, capturing their neo-nazi ideals and hatred of foreigners on tape along the way. The racism, the bloodlust, and the wearing of aviators at a billiards club are all very despicable, but this whole thing still has a strong whiff of embellishment.

Satisfaction comes around the 2:20 mark when Donetsk Company are served an ass-whooping by their color coordinated and outnumbering rivals from Dynamo Kiev. It all ends with Donetsk Co. members left beaten and bloodied all over the battlefield while the uniformed Dynamo ultras celebrate victory. Quite a scene. And one, to me, with a strong resemblence to when Tony Perkis’ crew showed up at Fat Camp in Heavyweights.

Joking aside, if there’s truth to the reported “truce” between the two groups in order to fight foreigners during the Euro Cup, perhaps it’s the Dynamo thugs Englanders should be afraid of. But judging by the comments on that Sky Sports page, the English are ready for the fight. Or at least the Walker’s Crisps addicts behind their keyboards are.

(Best part of the video is definitely 1:50. Can that riot gear withstand a blow from an oversized Wiffle bat? Yes, yes it can.)

Watching this was totally one of those palm to the face moments for me. I do this all the time. Off hand, I can think of at least two occasions I pluralized clubs or players in my last feature. Whoops.

If you’re wondering where this came from, check out Scottish sketch comedy show, Burnistoun.

Great commercial from a great beer for a crap team.

Look very closely at 1:05 and you’ll find a subtle diss of one of England’s main rivals. Two hints, it’s blue and white and, is that the Mop of God I see?

Jebus, this is beautiful. And somebody in Houston is a very, VERY skilled toy helicopter operator. Either that or a master mini-hang glider.

The ‘Most Orange Structure in Texas’ opens in just 4 days. That’s only 15 months after they first broke ground on this creamiscle. Remarkable.

22,000 seats. Urban setting. Are you paying attention Mr. Kraft?

The surprise factor has been at the crux of many of Europe’s unlikely champions and continental qualifiers over the past decade. After five consecutive top-ten finishes in La Liga, Celta Vigo finished in fourth place in the 2002-03 season, jettisoning into the Champions League. The debutants made it to the Round of 16, defeating AC Milan at the San Siro along the way. After a trio of top three finishes in the Eredivisie, AZ Alkmaar finally broke the steel of Holland’s “big three” and took home the domestic league crown in 2009. It broke the 28 year monopoly Feyenoord, Ajax, and PSV held on the Dutch title. In 2009, Bordeaux pulled off a similar feat in France, ending Lyon’s 7 year hold on the Ligue 1 title.

None of these clubs, except maybe for AZ, were marked for success in the pre-season. However, years of quiet, slow, and dedicated development from within the respective clubs led to success. Even so, none maintained their level of performance in successive years. Despite wowing Europe in their Champions League debut, Celta Vigo finished a dismal 19th in La Liga and were relegated. Although AZ’s 5th and 4th place finishes in 2010 and 2011 respectively aren’t as disastrous as Vigo’s decline, it’s important to note the stage on which it took place: the ever weakening Eredivisie. Since their title win in 2009, Bordeaux hasn’t managed any better. They finished 6th the following season, 7th last year, and sit in 8th this campaign.

The Hardships of Success

The Sophomore Slump is nothing new. It happens in every sport and the constructs of European Football create the ideal conditions for such a fluxing environment. Winning form can often be the very seed of decline. If a smaller club gets hot and qualifies for Europe their reward is often a curse: more games to play. Despite the myth that prize money cures all, it can be difficult to beef up squad size with quality players. For example, last season Manchester United took home  roughly £17m for winning the Premier League, Europe’s most lucrative pay-out to a domestic champion. The three biggest signings in the summer by Sir Alex were: David de Gea (£17.6m), Phil Jones (£16.9m), and Ashley Young (£15.8m). The Celta Vigo’s of European Football don’t have the luxury to bring in such a trio. If they want to increase squad size with world class talent they will deplete their assets. These clubs have to weigh the pros and cons of investing in the first-team versus investing in the club’s infrastructure. Many should and do favor the latter. A new training stadium or establishment of a Youth Academy are long-term investments that yield much more than the purchase of a talented goal-scorer who will play at your club for five years. Fatigue and managing the squad only gets harder for that reason.

The addition of a half dozen or so games doesn’t seem significant but it is. Playing an away match at 7PM on a Wednesday in a foreign country, then having a noon kick-off at home the following Saturday is hardly ideal. Many over-achieving clubs take on this task with the same, or slightly depleted, squad they had the year before.

Although they stayed at Bordeaux for another year, Marouane Chamakh, Yoann Gourcuff, and Fernando Cavenaghi all left Bordeaux in the summer of 2010, a trio that accounted for 38 of the 64 goals their title-winning side scored in 2009. It’s a major factor in why the club finished 7th in 2011 without the burden of European football. The 6th place finish in 2010 was respectable considering the burden of six additional Champions League group-sage matches in which millions of euros were at stake.

There’s an argument to be made that they would be in a better position today had they finished 2nd in 2009. They would have still qualified for the Champions League but would have been spared the extra attention of bigger clubs in Europe licking their lips over the players that dethroned Lyon. The resulting exodus of talent as well as the increased attention and respect from opposing managers and players made Bordeaux’s task to repeat as Champions an unenviable one.

Winning the Ligue 1 title is often a curse. While reading the graphic below, keep in mind that these numbers include the seven consecutive titles Lyon won. Yikes.

Unsurprisingly, there is a correlation between the average decline of a domestic champions and the number of clubs that have won titles. It’s a solid measure of just how competitive a given league can be. In the case of Ligue 1 and Lyon a decline could have been predicted despite the unprecedented success. Simply, it’s never easy to win eight in a row. And in a league that lags behind most of Europe’s other competitions in terms of marketability and sponsorships, the difference between Lyon and the rest of the pack was never going to be insurmountable.

Although it’s conventionally depicted as a negative development for a league to have its powerhouse club(s) decline it can in fact be the saving grace of fledgling competitions. Over the past four seasons, four clubs have won the Ligue 1 crown with a fifth set to follow as Montpellier and PSG fight for this year’s title. It’s a far-cry from the stagnant, negative league that forced the French Football Federation to establish an “Attacking Play Table” in the 2006-2007 season to award teams for scoring. The six years Lyon won the title while the league was at twenty teams (eighteen before 2002) the average number of goals scored in Ligue 1 was 846.83. Since the decline of Lyon (or rise of other clubs if you prefer) the average number of goals scored per season has jumped to 883.25. That includes the 873 goals scored this campaign with three rounds to play. It’s certainly not an eye-popping stat but it does shed light on what healthy competition can do. So don’t bemoan the Yo-Yo Effect. Sometimes it’s actually a good thing. Ligue 1 has been more exciting than ever.

The Yo-Yo Effect Happens All Over the Table

We see the rise and decline of teams in all sports and all leagues. Some slowly, some quickly. Even in the mighty Premier League which has an average champions decline of just -1.00 we see the phenomena. However, we tend to see it on the other end of the table in the English top-flight. It’s where the Yo-Yo Effect made it’s name. The transition to top-flight football can be a difficult one. However, some clubs manage to beat relegation and the Yo-Yo Effect… at least for a year or two.

Coming up from The Championship this season via a playoff win, Swansea was marked by many pundits to yo-yo back to the second tier. Fast forward several months and the Welsh team has wowed audiences by becoming Europe’s passing kings. Despite being labeled “The Barcelona of The Championship” last campaign they were mostly ignored as a potential threat in the EPL. In the defense of pundits and experts, it’s much different being “The Barcelona of The Championship” then say, being the Barcelona of La Liga. Even so, the club has proven the moniker to be an apt one.

Next season, however, they can expect a much tougher task. Nathan Dyer, Leon Britton, and Michel Vorm are just a few names Brendan Rodgers will have to fight to keep. Add in the increased respect and attention the opposition will have while formulating tactics against the Swans and next season doesn’t look as rosy as the current campaign. After all, the numbers don’t lie:

Just as it’s never going to be easy to sustain championship performances when you’re punching above your weight, it’s never going to be easy to simply survive when you’re punching above your weight. Too many factors are working against the Cinderella stories of football. So how do you beat it? What needs to be done to stave off the decline, particularly in one of Europe’s most competitive league, The Bundesliga?

With consecutive Bundesliga titles secured and a Bundesliga points record established (81) Borussia Dortmund are reveling in sustained success. The first title was something, this second title is something else. Tomorrow we look at how the Westphalian club fought off the immediate decline.

Part Two next week:

Beating the Yo-Yo Effect – The Dortmund Story

“…and also with you.”

Idk. Felt necessary from my old church going days.

Good May the 4th/Annual Star Wars x Speech Impediment = Holiday  fun here from the gents over at KickTV. Couldn’t agree more with Rafa Marquez as the massive mistake that was Jar Jar Binks.

Feldman: “Oh, that’s not good television.”

Causey: “That makes for good TV right there.”

I agree with Causers, even if his commentary is blander than unsalted white rice.

Watch highlights of the Revs impressive 2-1 win over Colorado in front of a capacity crowd of 6,000 HERE!

A couple notes on these Revs:

They’ve gotten better. No doubts about it. And as Jay Heaps starts to figure out this coaching thing, they’ll only get better. It helps to have some fun players to watch too, i.e. Nguyen, Sene, Soares, and Rowe, because he reminds me of Shaggy Doo.

But WTF is up with Benny Feilhaber? Dude returns to MLS to get some run and crack back into the national team, and he can’t make it work in New England. I don’t know if it’s apathy or something, but everyone knows he can tear up this league, so where’s the magic Benny? Sorry Boston isn’t comfy SoCal, but quit your pouting and start becoming Boston’s soccer equivalent to Rajon Rondo, will ya? Sorry if that was harsh. You’re really too handsome to yell at.

Watch this and I bet Fabrice Muamba does a better job at holding back his tears than you can.

Absolutely amazing to see the man who was ‘dead for 78 minutes‘ just six and a half weeks ago, walk on to the pitch to roaring applause from Bolton and Spurs fans. Here’s Fab’s interview with Sky Sports before he took the pitch.

On a side note, good to see Stu Holden looking snazzy in the studio. I wonder how much he’s sweating about the very high possibility of playing football in the Championship next year. For a guy who’s had a full year off of football, perhaps a season at a lower level could be good for him? Maybe I’m just an optimistic sucker.

And is it just me, or is slick Stuey really ramping up the Scottish accent for British TV?

Of all the things said/printed by English tabloids, particularly The Sun, this is what the FA gets mad about? David Bernstein, the chairman of The FA, labeled the front page headline run by The Sun as “disrespectful” and “unacceptable.” However, Thirdkit.com labeled it as “kind of funny” and “not a big deal.” Are we taking up for The Sun? Absolutely not. Immediately after posting this I will be on my way to a confessional at a nearby church just after taking steel-wool to my curled up body in a very very hot shower.

Even so, this just isn’t a big deal. Defaming the memory of dead fans by fabricating stories and spying on reputable Football Agents and their clients are much more egregious crimes. When put into perspective, poking fun at an older gentleman’s speech impediment doesn’t compare. After all, it’s not the first time, and it certainly won’t be the last time, someone calls Mr. Hodgson “Woy”.

The FA has failed to adequately prioritize the battles it fights. If David Bernstein wants to make a big deal about this headline, then surely he must stand up and publicly criticize tabloids when their words become more volatile than a less-than-clever phrase regarding a man’s odd speech.